A 'How-Not-To-Style-Your-Life' Guide

Monday, 25 July 2016

My Relationship With Summer




Revolutionary critical thinker and philosophical spearhead Kylie Jenner was definitely on to something when she declared 2016 the year of "realising stuff". In true High School Musical ‘Stick to the Status Quo’ fashion, I, too, have something to get off my chest.

I think I have become completely disenchanted with summer.

…Perhaps not quite the dramatic revelation you expected, but nevertheless it is one that has still knocked me for six. It goes without saying that when I was younger (reads: two years ago), this wasn’t the case. 

As a little prepubescent sprog, I would spend my invaluable six weeks off school waking up at noon, watching daytime TV and playing video games. Substitute daytime TV for Netflix and clarify video games as Pokémon Go and yes, that does still describe how I’ve been spending my days off work over the last month. The difference is, however, that it simply doesn’t satisfy me the same way it did in the past.

It’s a Monday morning and I’m currently sat in bed writing this post the day before my birthday. I’ve yet to have a The One Where They All Turn Thirty-esque breakdown, but the phrase "halfway to 40" has been bandied about maybe a little bit too much for my liking. Usually by me, I might add, but previously to mock my friends about their senility. How the mighty have fallen.

I digress. Something that university undergraduates fail to tell doe-eyed, UCAS track-refreshing college students is how empty a three month hiatus can leave you feeling. Last year, I was beyond excited to come back home for summer and recoup after the hectic blur of first year. As it turns out, all it took was two weeks of lie-ins and idleness before I started to get restless. After that, I spent two and a half months living out my own personal Groundhog Day. Wake up, go to work, come home, sleep, repeat. To top it all off, I didn’t write anything.

Coming into 2016, I was desperate to change the way I had previously approached summer. At the time of writing this I’m nearly two months in and after my trip to Venice in June, I can already tick ‘travel more’ off my summer bucket list. As well as working, I’ve been able to meet up with old friends and new, go on day trips and find the time to catch a Pokémon or two. What’s more is that things are shaping up to get even better in August and September and I can’t wait for everything that’s in store. Despite all of this, however, there’s still something that I need to address: I’ve all but stopped writing again.

I’m not narcissistic enough to assume that anyone really noticed, but the fact that there is a month and a half long gap between my last post and this one kills me. One of my biggest flaws is the way I approach my priorities. When I’m at university, the reason I find myself blogging more regularly is because it’s a form of escapism from my degree, which will continue to be my top priority until I (hopefully) graduate next year. 

The carnivalesque nature of summer, however, completely inverts these priorities and suddenly blogging seems to become the be-all and end-all of my life. I end up shutting down and shying away, leading to dry spells in both creativity and motivation that have led to the gap between this post and my last. 

None of this is to say that I have become disenchanted with blogging. If anything, I want this post to be my catharsis, a moment of clarity that dispels these feelings that I currently harbour towards writing. I love blogging: it provides me with the perfect platform to share my writing with those who care enough to read it whilst allowing me to contribute to a community that I observe with so much adoration.

The more I grow up and the closer I come to leaving full time education, the less I can shy away from my future. Summer is no longer the safe haven of relaxation that I once thought it was; instead, it is time that I can no longer waste and need to invest in something other than Pokémon Go. This isn’t to say that I can’t let myself have fun anymore, but I need to be doing far more than I am at the moment. To write for a living is still my dream and I refuse to let it run through my fingers like water.

I’ve recently compiled quite a lot of content that I’m really proud of and it kills me that the only thing stopping me from sharing it is myself. I need to stop being so childish and give blogging the attention and respect it deserves. My relationship with summer may have changed, but I’m determined to work through any issues that stop me from writing again in the future.

As I always like to say, to anyone who read and made it to the end of this post, thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to do so. Also, to any recurring readers who have an interest in what I have to say, your continued support means more to me than you can imagine. I know this has been very word heavy and a tad self indulgent, but I really needed this. As much of a cliché as this is, I feel like the cloud is already lifting. Here’s to a future that has no room for caution, doubt or fear.
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6 comments

  1. I was so happy when I saw a new post on here :) I really missed reading you and I'm so glad you're back. It can be difficult to go back on tracks when you've been away for so long, but you can do this. And I'll always come on here xx
    - Rainbow White

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